An easy remedy

I've come to a realization that the less disgusting food I put in my body, the better I feel. So instead of going on a starvation diet, I've decided to eat the healthiest food I can, and in smaller portions. I've also decided to begin taking dietary supplements while excersising to tone myself out.  I am excited to feel healthy and motivated 

Almost there

I'm getting closer and closer to graduation and figuring out the rest of my life. A bit shitty when there are countless options and I have to pick a few because of a familiar obstacle named time. 

How?

No one honestly enjoys being alone. I can't wrap my mind around people who can just walk past a boy or girl sitting alone at lunch. Simple acts of kindness go miles, and many fail to realize how effective even a smile or any small gesture can be 

Resolving 2014

I haven't really slept at all tonight, my sister got my grandmother and I both sick and because I let her sleep next to me, I have suffered through listening to her breathe heavily for 8 hours. It did give me time to think however; and figure out what I'm resolving for this year. So I've created a list.

1. Finally retake the road test

2. Hit the gym. No more hybornating 

3. Start the year off with a tan 

4. Daily 15 minute meditation (scented  candles) 

5. Yoga- a peaceful, new remedy

6. Update wardrobe (self purposes)

7. Cut out processed meat and bread from diet 

8. Read a self improvement book, as well as an inspirational novel

9. Israel- become more involved with Judaism 

Shoot me at any time. Cheers

Everyone has his own definition of love. For some, it's sacrifice. For some, it's feeling alive and well, for others, it's the series of emotions that only one person can give. There are varieties of definitions of true love.. Every time I feel like I've found the one I realize I'm a fool and I need my head checked because I am an extremely hard person to like, hence love so my question is why the hell am I bothering?

I can't help feeling so fucking paranoid that this will end up like all of my past shitty relationships. We fight every day over small things and I once heard that it is healthy to argue but how can I piss him off so much on a daily basis? How can he say he loves a girl he hates as much as me? How can he swear he loves me when he doesn't trust me? How is it possible to want me when I'm so unusual?

God these fucking hormones are driving me crazy and my mind is in the wrong place at the wrong time but I want it to be known that i still want this to work. I still want to be in love, and as happy as i've been but not if I know the feeling isn't mutual. 

I feel stupid every time I tell him that I love him. The thing is with Americans they use those three words as greetings and lines to use in birthday cards. I adore him with every last bit of me and he sees it as just words coming out of my mouth and that hurts honestly. I have literally nothing to offer him so no shit it'll be over soon. I'm just ready for this weekend, maybe he'll dump me and I can return to where I was. Alone and unsure of what to do next but I have no choice it's definitely ending and all I have left to do is drink away any sorrow and fucking rant through a blog because its much easier to type it all out instead of talking to someone I know doesn't give a damn. It always ends up this way and my sisters probably saw it coming but didn't want to hurt me. Ahh, fuck me. 

Coast

I'm on my third cup of tea today. I've been trying to relax as well as keep busy while aching all over. i've spent all day with my family, and that means stressing out and being surrounded by absolute pessimism. I am at a point in life where I need to figure out what exactly I'm doing. If creativity is important, if writing and painting is but a mere hobby. I've been researching different careers, planning out the rest of my life and for the longest time I couldn't figure anything out. At least not until I met Jordan, my witty, most amazing  boyfriend. The first step would be going to Israel for 10 days after my graduation. College, of course, comes right after and that will be a total of 2 years before I get an international degree for nursing. It all sounds so smooth, no rough edges, no downfalls. I've always told myself I'd never go into the medical field, but I have to face reality; there are no fucking jobs where I can write for a living and not be underpaid and hating every waking moment. like journalism. I love writing, I do, so I'll publish a novel on the side, while working as a registered nurse in a hospital, and traveling, living all around the world. I want the love of my life to live with me, and travel side by side with me, but he has to want to see the world just as much. 

Soul searchin

The perks in life consist of sitting alone at a  coffee  shop  with nothing but music in your ears and a pen with a pad, a bottle of wine and a joint on the rooftops of Belgium, the festivals that never leave your mind at peace, blurred nights in rotterdam on the metro, and the bus, the feeling of being surrounded by the nature of good energy for once.. It consists of driving on the highway with my head on my lovers lap as the music plays through the car speakers, laying on his chest as he sings quietly, sitting across from him under the broad daylight streaming through the window of coffee shops, the dead ends and empty parking lots where we would make love in suspense, the bed where I would snore, loud or soft as he strokes my hair and let's me sleep, the slow dances to smooth jazz and the bottles of red and white wine that we would share, decorating the fake tree as tall as the ceiling, crossing railroad tracks attached to a bridge high above water, attempting to pay attention to a movie at the drive in while our tension rises in the heat of the moment and we make love in the back, Christmas morning at his mothers, sweetest day in my

Study room, his grandfather's introduction. Who is to say it's ever lasting?